Greetings From a Future Psych Patient

A few posts ago, I told of my rehabilitation from the state of depression, and now I'm writing about it again (gee, how many rehabs do I have to go through?). This makes me a candidate for a manic-depressive disorder. I'm a bipolar who is in need of a psychiatrist to save me from this happy-sad cycle. Oh well, at least I never do and never will do drugs.

My love life is now locked in a steel cabinet and stashed at the deepest part of my brain, waiting for deliverance. Ahhh... closure! What is it with you that made me spend so many sleepless nights and oh so many disturbing thoughts? What will it take? Not even Christmas....

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Some positivity:

1. depression does take off a few pounds (which I am now regaining, thanks to the Christmas season!)

2. Skye the master continues to be the smart ass that he is, torturing his yaya once in a while, but a good boy still nevertheless.

3. I can now go out and at the same time mantain my "reformed alcoholic" status.

4. I am beginning to enjoy celibacy.

5. I hope I do get to continue writing my ass off.

Merry Christmas folks! Spread the love.

My weird obsession

Call me weird, but I am very obsessed with the back of my son's head. From it's shape (thanks to the good coaching of my OB during delivery!), to the hairline, and to the nape. My son is a living snowman from the back! Sometimes, he catches me staring at the back of his head, and with that, he's going to snuggle up closer and lets me enjoy it for a few moments more. Here's a stolen shot that I took of it just so I could see his butterball nape on my phone wherever I go...

Now you see why? So excuse me while I go stare and sniff at my baby boy's baby head...

Skye Noodles

I remember how I craved for sushi, watermelon, and barbecue bec I was pregnant with you.



I remember how your dad drove in panic because of a false alarm inside a mall.



I remember how your dad talked to my OB-Gyne about having my labor induced just because he is so excited to see you.



I remember the twelve hours I spent in pain but not minding it just because I wanted to see you as soon as possible already.



I remember still texting amidst my labor just so I could tell everyone I'm having you already.



I remember how you wowed everyone with your complete rendition of "Moon River" because that is your favorite lullabye.



I remember how your dad disposed of his beloved rott Scout in favor of your safety.



I remember how proud I am that you toilet trained yourself even before you turned one.



I remember the time when you were still very innocent and quiet, as opposed to your very bibo but makulit nature now. Nevertheless, I still like you just the same.



I remember your first bath, your first haircut, your first everything, and I'm so glad I documented it all.



I remember the difference you made to the people around you that August 7, 2001 at 8:21 pm., how one tiny tyke like you changed the whole household.



Four years have passed, and you have changed a lot from being a quiet little angel to a mischievous elf, but I am so happy you are mine.



I am so glad I took this path because it led me to having you. I wouldn't have it any other way.



Belated happy 4th birthday Skye Noodles!



You are mommy's pride and joy.

Facelift

Finally! At looooong last, I had the chance to give my blog it's much needed facelift. Haha! So the stress of hospital life can't take me away from the pc. So last week, it's either I'm busy assisting in -rraphy's, busy thinking and doing things too mature for a 23 year old, or in front of the pc honing my photoshop and frontpage (hek!hek! amateur!) knowledge for my blogorraphy.

So there. They say that your blog is a reflection of yourself, and with the way my blog looks now, I can say that I'm pretty messed up.

Yeah, yeah. I admit I am. And it shows.

Somebody tear me away in front of the screen and give me a Prozac.

Pektyur Pektyur

what my son saw at Avilon Zoo...



some politicians ............................majority of the politicians


what we want RP to be..................... what we do to become that


what RP really is now

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the best place to have breakfast! Shot from the balcony of Antonio's

Tagaytay while munching on tapa.

My Political Stand

Watching today's news, I can't help but think-NOT AGAIN! The sight of countless people claiming to be the oppressed and those who had enough of GMA is not something I can be proud of anymore, unlike the effect of EDSA I all over the world. Maybe because rallies to oust the President such as these have already been overused and abused.

A few weeks back, I have a different point of view regarding this matter. I was turned off upon knowing what GMA had confessed in front of the whole nation. I thought of nothing but disgust and distrust in her. However, unlike some of those who got overwhelmed and consumed by the situation, I tried to see the whole picture. Then slowly, I began to understand.

We Filipinos fought long and hard to achieve freedom. Freedom which is now symbolized by having our own constitution, but the way I see it, we are slowly throwing that freedom away just because we want something done asap (or maybe because we are being influenced to do such thing for the benefit of others). Funny thing is that we are trying to overthrow someone just because she did something which is not even against the law. Is this the new way of showing our love to our country? Taking for granted the constitution which was drafted upon blood, sweat, and tears?

The technique they had was obvious- bring her down and attack her when she's at her weakest. Who advised her to add more to our already unfriendly taxes? Who advised her to admit in front of the whole population her lapse in judgment? Who talked her into sending her two boys abroad? All of these decisions that made her the villain in front of others were not hers alone. Many influenced her to do just what they or what "the people" wanted, and the million dollar question is... where are these people now? Are they gone because they are just doing what is right? Or because they're afraid it will tarnish their future plans of a higher position in office?

They blame her for poverty as evidenced by the signs that say "GMA-pahirap sa bayan". Just to inform you, we already are in drowning in debts from the World Bank long before she was elected. Inflation is already inevitable. Ramon Jacinto was right when he said that if we want our country to become rich overnight, why not rally in front of the houses of the Marcoses and the Estradas first? If what fuels our anger is the hindrance against daily survival, these should be the first people they have to look for. History, my friends, has a lot to do with the kind of economy we have now.

They judged her for her facial expression during that much publicized confession just because it doesn't even come close to the emotion filled angsts of a former best actress winner. What else is new? Pinoys still have that innate fondness for "artistas". Amidst all the emotion and the drama unfolding every news broadcast at my television, we are all but actors and extras in this one extravagant telenovela.

They condemn her for one single phone call- an act which, in all possibility, have been done too by countless other hypocrites. In my own point of view, that is the lesser of the three evils if you compare it with what Estrada or Marcos has done.

Now that the Presidential post is nearly but not yet up for grabs, there are a lot of new so-called heroes sprouting like mushrooms on a damp day. How clean are they? How credible are they? How sure are we that in a few years time, we won't be rallying AGAIN just to throw them out? Why do they want to be President of a country so divided and poverty stricken? Why do they want to be placed in a position where you are damned if you do and damned if you don't? Why do they want to lead a country who doesn't even want to be led?

What pains me now is that these people you see marching and screaming their anger out, the ones claiming to be the victims of the administration, are those who, in one way or the other, have caused hardship to the country. Most of these are the citizens who are bettors of jueteng, the druglords, the gambling lords, the ones who believe that Red Tape will get things done easier, the ones who buy Louis Vuitton, CK, and other imported stuff instead of our country's own, the patrons of pirated VCD's, the shoppers of smuggled goods, the illegal vendors, the tax evaders, those who are "mahilig sa lagay", the ones who accept money in exchange for their votes, the traffic violators, the workers who do nothing but take a leave, the students who don't give a damn about their education, and a lot more. Maybe I'm guilty about one or two of these things, maybe I'm not, but because of the situation we have right now, it made me realize that everything else must begin with us citizens.

If a change is to be done, then it should not be just the President that needs to be changed for this country needs a major overhaul. I believe that this country needs a change in values. We must always remember that a great leader comes from being a great follower. We must begin to assess first what kind of a follower are we, or if we even follow. We must begin a new breed of wise followers starting with our children. Emotional outbursts won't solve the problem we have. We are at our wisest when we are calm. Just think about it- even if you put the best possible leader. it will be in vain if that leader would compete with a whole population of corrupted, power hungry, unwilling individuals.

I still respect the point of view of others regarding the situation. I am not saying I am Pro-Gloria all the way. If the people really want her out, then so be it, but please respect the Constitution. It is first and foremost the essence of our being Filipinos.

This day, I have just recieved my son's first test papers. He got a 100% in English, a 98% in Math, a 90% in Social Studies, and a 92% in Science. What made me really happy is not the high scores, but the fact that my son has the initiative to study and train himself to study and to follow directions even if his dad is working abroad and I'm too busy for long tutoring sessions. I'm glad and more determined to put my son in the right track. I just wish he would keep that up. It's nice to train better Filipino's while they're still young.

To Be Through Me

if you could only see through my eyes, hear through my ears, think through my thoughts, beat through my heart.

would you believe? would you choose not to see? would you choose to block the memory? would you feel the pain?

if only you were me, even for one brief moment, then you'd know.

good thing you're not me, because i don't want you to see, hear, think, and feel the way i do.

i don't need your empathy. i just want your sympathy.

Star Text

As I was thinking of what to type here, since my mind is currently in Venus, my friend gave me a text message:


friend: Hey! Umamin na pala si *toot* no? Siya nga.

me: Yup! saw it last night. That was our topic here. Desperate move. Checkmate siya e. Now, she's using her "motherly" appeal to save whatever she has.

friend: Mukha ba mother? D naman. Dont even think she's sorry

me: Kya nga. What she really needs is an acting teacher.

friend: LOL! The b***h doesn't even know how to act!

me: Hehe... Now I see where her son gets his acting skills from!

friend:LOL! Wala rin tayo ipapalit. Yan ang masama.

me: *tooot* seems interested. di lang nagpapaobvious!

friend: Follower ni Satan! Hirap na bayan. Ba't natin tatanggapin kapatid nya?

me: What's the best thing to do? Snap elections? War? Divided Pinas ngayon. Mahirap.

friend: Ibalik! Ibalik! Ibalik! Ibalik! Ibalik si Marcos!

me: Hahaha! Tita Cory na lang!

friend: Type mo si Kris noh? Aminin!

me: With the way things are going, her being the next President is a BIG possibility! No need for wire-tapping! Private conversations can be accessed through STARTXT!


Now, what do you think????

FX thoughts

Last Friday, I decided to be a good "ate" and fetched my sister Hannah from her dorm at DLSU-Dasma where she is now taking up Nursing. I was kind of glad seeing how my sister is living her college life- simple and, well, college like judging from the way her dorm room looks:

Carrying her very heavy duffel bag of dirty clothes and underwear, we took the fx ride on the way to SM Southmall to buy her much needed Algebra book. Since the fx was nearly full, we were forced to sit at the back together with a couple who is showing what is to be a perfect examle of the term PDA (public display of affection). The girl was pretty, with long curly hair and tons of makeup. The guy was, well..... SO, there we were, all in that crampy, long fx ride. My sister was nudging me once in a while because apparently, the couple's PDAing were extending beyond their supposed fx territory.

"Get a room!" I whispered

Then memories of my adolescent, hormone active years suddenly made a flash back. That's when I thought, "ahihi, it's not nice pala!".

Now, my being a good sister consumed me.

• What if 134 fx rides from now, my sister will be in the same seat PDAing with some guy I don't know?
• What if Harriet, whose only use for a cellphone is for it's camera and to send lousy jokes to us, would text sweet somethings to someone till the wee hours of the morning?
• What if Hannah suddenly chooses not to have us fetch her from school because "may maghahatid na"? Or worse, what if she chooses to go home once in a blue moon na lang?
• What if Skye, who's now suffering from Oedipus Complex, suddenly says that I'm not his girlfriend nor crush anymore?
• What if the time would come that in filling the blanks, my son would put "e" instead of "i" in the word s_x?
• What if...............?

That's where my what if's ended. I was snoring a few seconds later.

Orange Politics

Skye was a bad baby last night. I had a hard time teaching him to write the word "orange". His letters were all wobbly and he was begging me to have a break so he could get his hands on his Gameboy. Tsk! Tsk! Kids today! My son knows the in's and out's of my cell and his Gameboy but just writing the word "orange" requires extensive practice and a visual of a belt in my hand.

As my son is in hot water because of writing a wobbly "orange", so is Pres. Spokesperson Ignacio Bunye for being too wobbly on his statements regarding the infamous "Hello Garci" cd. It was sad seeing him suffer the consequences of guarding the president's public appeal. Now that is a very hard job! Try dousing perfume over the stench of a decaying flesh. Get the point?

Suddenly, memories of my being a former Muntinlupa Little Mayor flooded my mind. It was way back 95, with me in glasses and pigtails and Bunye was still the city's Mayor. He was the absolute public official. Cool, composed, intelligent, and a public sweetheart. He taught me the basics of politics, all summed up in a week. He talked with the eloquence of a real politician, with intelligence and wit. He adored my singing which kept me in touch with him a few years and campaigns after. He told me I might have a future in politics - and that was the only thought of him that gave me the creeps. I summed up my life and was pleased with how it turned out - simple and very not political.

I've had enough of lies and liars. I'm happy my job does not require me to be one.

Then Skye kissed me hard and said, "Mommy, wag na ko mag write. No assignment kami. Play lang daw sabi ni Teacher Babes!"

I looked at him hard and thought... oh no! My son has a future in Politics!

Speechless

The title says it all.

I am, after a few months of silence, still speechless.

This is not me.


Bright and shiny- that is how I always see life, but when the f***in' reality of life bites you hard on the ass, your life becomes similar to this blog page - dark and abandoned.

I have so long wanted to immortalize one of my darkest moments here, but everytime i face the screen, all the willingness to type leaves my fingers (if only i coulduse my toes to type!). Maybe that only shows that no matter how much you want to be a celebrity (either by blogging, acting, making a home made porno flick, & releasing cd's of your supposed coversations with the president and say "phone pals kami e!"), there are still some parts of your world that you choose not to write and just forget.

Paksyet! This-crazy-little-thing-called-love nga naman!

**commercial break. naiiyak ako e!**

Resume.

To sum up the events of my hiatus, here are some of the most interesting (and intriguing) points:

1. Never underestimate the power of a woman's intuition
2. Never underestimate the power of friendster mobile
3. Never underestimate a wife who dreams of being a CSI investigator
4. Never underestimate yourself
5. Never let anyone, who dreams of the dream you have worked so hard for to be real, take that dream away.

**commercial break ulit. cr this time**

Now at least, my fingers can type again. I am now ready to go back and see the stars.

No more tears. Let's party on!!!